We started a new women's Bible study this week at The Well at Cedar Creek. We are reading the book "Created To Be His Help Meet", by Debi Pearl. Though we are just getting started, we had some great discussion and some tough questions were already brought up. I'm so grateful for the chance to go through this book with a room full of other women who are seeking God's will in their marriages.
I'm excited to see God work in the next few weeks! Keep an open mind, Girls, and let's pray for God to reveal to us how we can please Him in our relationships with our men. It all starts in the mind, so pray for God to guide our thinking.
I'd say the key truth for this first week is, I do have a choice in how good my marriage will be.
What are your thoughts or first impressions after our first class? Let's hear 'em!
Tracy
14 comments:
While sitting in class last night and while perusing the book I felt a great unease in my spirit. It seems to me that there are truths intermingled with untruths in this teaching. I intend to read this book and am asking the Holy Spirit to give me discernment. Page 21, second paragraph is not biblical, in my opinion. "This is how God created you and it is your purpose for existing." (Referring to being a wife, created to fill a need, and to being a helper suited to the needs of a man.) Nowhere in scripture am I told that my purpose for existing is to fulfill the needs of my husband. It is good to fill needs and to be a helper---but I do not believe that is my purpose for existing. That is not biblical. I believe this is a foundational error.
I say these things in love, honestly. I believe in the teachings of Christ--I believe in making his Word my home. I believe in the comfort and guidance of the Holy Spirit. I will pray for that guidance as I read the rest of this book.
I figured that page 21 and specifically that paragraph would be a hard concept to swallow. I dont really believe it either. It isnt in scripture. And the author totally ignores: Genesis 1:27-28 – “So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them. God blessed them and said to them, ‘Be fruitful and increase in number, fill the earth and subdue it. Rule over the fish of the sea and the birds of the air and over every living creature that moves on the ground.’” Yes, Eve was created as Adam’s help meet, but she was his help meet in fulfilling God’s mandate to them both, not his help meet in making him personally fulfilled.Obviously women were given a role other than only to fulfill her husbands need. Women, as well as men, were created by God and for Him. A woman, as well as a man, has a direct link to God through Christ and has a God-given purpose to fulfill in His Kingdom. Any woman who fails to find her primary identity in Christ and her life’s purpose in living in responsive obedience to God through the Holy Spirit, will be left unfulfilled – no matter how well she obeys and reverences her husband. We are all, men and women, called to submit fully to God. It is in submission to God, her Father, that a wife chooses, in obedience to God, to submit to her husband - not the other way around. I read this thing on facebook that says: The woman came out of a man's rib, not from his feet to be walked on, not from his head to be superior, but from his side to be equal! Under the arm to be protected, and next to the heart to be loved. I still think that this book has a lot to offer in showing me different ways of looking at my marriage and showing me things I can do to better it. I think once we get past this extremely controversial start we will be pleasantly surprised! Hang in there!
I agree with you, Anonymous, that our purpose for existing is not to meet the needs of our husband. I've been thinking a lot about this. After talking through it with my husband, he pointed out that it is not my purpose in life, but my purpose as a wife. I have a job as an occupational therapist and my purpose in that job is to help people with disabilities to become more independent. I have a job as a wife and that is to meet his needs. Of course, there are some needs that only God can meet and if he isn't happy, it is'nt my fault. God is our number one, our husband should be our number 2, our kids our number 3 and then on from there. Maybe what she (Debi Pearl) is trying to do is focus our attention from ourselves and our own desires on to our husband's needs instead. Although she did say it was our purpse for existing. I don't know for sure what she meant by that because she can't back that up with Scripture.
I disagreed with the statement, "It is better for a man to do a job poorly than for a woman to do the job well." My jaw almost hit the floor. I don't believe that is biblical. God created us all with different talents and abilities to balance each other out and I believe that a marriage is more of a "partnership". I am better with budgeting than my husband is and he is more thorough with sweeping the floors and better at mowing the lawn. We recognize who is better at what and allow the one who is better to get that job done.
The Bible is vague in certain areas and people (Debi Pearl in this instance) tend to fill in the blanks with their own opinions and then teach that to people but they can't biblically back that up or they will back it up, but out of context, exluding other verses in the Bible. I am hoping the rest of the study is more biblically based.
Mandy, your statement..."The Bible is vague in certain areas and people (Debi Pearl in this instance) tend to fill in the blanks with their own opinions and then teach that to people but they can't biblically back that up or they will back it up, but out of context, excluding other verses in the Bible. I am hoping the rest of the study is more biblically based."....is very, very true. I thank you for saying that.
I looked up the Hebrew words that have been interpreted "help-meet" and found the following: Brown-Driver-Briggs Hebrew Definitions defines ‛êzer (the word interpreted "help")as:
1) help, succour *succour means one who furnishes relief or brings aid*
1a) help, succour
1b) one who helps
This is a noun.
The interesting thing for me in my research is that the word interpreted to be "meet" is very significant and holds so much more meaning than most translations give it. This is the Hebrew word neged---
BDB Definition:
1) what is conspicuous, what is in front of (substantive)
2) in front of, straight forward, before, in sight of (adverb)
3) in front of oneself, straightforward (adverb)
4) before your face, in your view or purpose (adverb)
5) what is in front of, corresponding to (with preposition)
6) in front of, before (with preposition)
7) in the sight or presence of (with preposition)
8) parallel to (with preposition)
9) over, for (with preposition)
10) in front, opposite (with preposition)
11) at a distance (with preposition)
12) from the front of, away from (preposition)
13) from before the eyes of, opposite to, at a distance from (preposition)
14) from before, in front of (preposition)
15) as far as the front of (preposition)
Strong's Hebrew Dictionary says:
neged
neh'-ghed
A front, that is, part opposite; specifically a counterpart, or mate; usually (adverbially, especially with preposition) over against or before: - about, (over) against, X aloof, X far (off), X from, over, presence, X other side, sight, X to view.
To me, this sounds like "One who helps, brings aid, furnishes relief--as a counterpart--in front of--opposite to--" You can read the Hebrew definitions and determine for yourself what it means.
This is not one who meets every need. What does it mean to be a counterpart? I looked that up in the dictionary...Something to think about...
I am questioning why such a controversial study would be taught when there are so many other studies that would bring honor to Christ and His design for marriage.
I believe that this book can be controversial to a lot of women, and I believe that the author's husband makes that clear in the introduction. I truly believe that these can be the best studies, because they can open your eyes to a lot of things that people do not like to say in fear that someone would be unhappy or in disagreement with them. So far, in reading this book, I have found that she does not sugarcoat the truths that she stands by, and for me, reading those words can be tough to swallow; however, I agree whole heartedly with her.
I do agree that the woman was created to be a mans helper...it does say that in Gen. 2:18. And though we were both made in God's image, He created woman only after He found that there was no thing suitable in His creation to be a helper to Adam. In that, I believe that my purpose is to help my husband, to live under his authority in our home.
I am, as some would say, old fashioned in my way of thinking. My husband is head over my household, including myself, and the end result to any decision is his to make. He generally asks me for my opinion, but he does not always agree with it, resulting in a result I'm not always thrilled with. However, I do try to bite my tounge and tell him that I know he will do what is best for our family. And I can honestly say, that I know through the Lord's guidance, he always does. So, for the most part, I agree with the statement that "It is far better that the job be done poorly by your husband than to be done well by you." I can say that I have convinced my husband to make a decision the way I thought it should be, I had thought about it and was sure my way was better than his...and though it was, he and I suffered from that decision because I overstepped my boundaries as his wife and trampled on his place as my husband. Looking back on it, he probably felt as if I didn't trust him to do the right thing, and that can hurt any person. But God specifically set my husband's place as the head, meaning the very top, of my family (including me). Ephesians 5:22-24 states "Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body. But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything." However, that does not mean that as a wife I have to sit back and do nothing at all, as the author states on pg. 23 regarding her job in the workforce "My place of authority does not mean I am better, it only means that they are there to help me do my job - better." I believe we were created to be our husbands helper, to pray for them, to be there for them and to HELP them do there job - better (not do it for them). In my opinion, we, as women, are told to submit to our husbands in everything and respect him because it can be difficult for us to do. Likewise, I believe that men are told to love their wives, just as Christ loved the church, because it can be hard for men to do. I have no problems loving my husband, it seems to just come naturally, but submitting to him is something I have to continually work on.
I think that it is important that throughout this Bible study, no matter what your opinion of it is, good or bad, that you do your work heartily, as for the Lord rather than for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the reward of the inheritance. It is the Lord Christ whom you serve! Col.3:23-24
Thank you for your thoughts, Grace. I agree submission is important, and a commandment at that. I think that the disagreement with most people is that Debi Pearl says our purpose for existing is to fill the needs of our man, which is totally different than submission. I don't think anyone can argue submission or they will be arguing with God.
I hope that you did not misunderstand me, Mandy. I agree that there is definitely a difference between meeting the needs of our husbands and being submissive to them. My statements were clearly about being submissive, because I believe that the comment the author made about it being better that the job be done poorly by our husbands than well by us, is assuming the role of leadership. I agree with you in saying that we all have different talents and abilities, but I do not think that the role of leadership is either - I believe that it is a job given to men over their families, including their wives. So, the point I feel that the author is trying to make is that even if I thought I could do a better job in the leadership of my family, it is not what God designed me to do; I was created to be his helper.
I agree, Grace, that leadership is the man's role.
Grace, how did you become so wise at your young age?!!! You are the kind of wife that I pray my boys will marry someday!
Mike and Debi Pearl started a wonderful ministry called No Greater Joy. If you want to learn more about them, go to nogreaterjoyministries.org.
Remember to be thankful this week ladies!!!!
Correction: nogreaterjoy.org! They also have wonderful books on raising children!
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